Empathy: What Leaders Need to Know
Empathy in medicine and leadership isn’t sharing your story — it’s offering presence. People don’t want equivalence; they want to feel seen. Listen with humility, ask with curiosity, and hold space without making it about you. “I’m here” speaks louder than “I know how you feel.”
The worst thing you can say is “I know how you feel …”
We talk a lot about empathy in medicine and leadership.
But in practice, it’s often misunderstood.
Empathy isn’t matching someone’s story with your own.
That kind of reassurance can backfire.
When someone is hurting, they don’t want equivalence —
they want presence. From you.
Here’s what I’ve learned — in life, in leadership, and in the hardest moments of being a patient myself:
✅ What helps:
❤️ Begin with humility — “I may not understand, but I want to.”
❤️ Ask with curiosity. Don’t assume.
❤️ Float hunches gently. Let them lead the way.
❤️ Match their emotional energy with respect, not performance.
❤️ Be available, not exposed. It’s not about your story — it’s about holding space for theirs.
❌ What hurts:
⚠️ Saying “I’ve been there” when you haven’t.
⚠️ Arguing your way into connection.
⚠️ Offering advice before understanding.
⚠️ Making their pain about your past.
⚠️ Confusing empathy with mutual vulnerability – you being “whole” is therapeutic itself.
Empathy is a practice from your heart – not a feeling in your mind.
It's a discipline of attention, humility, and care.
It is presence and its powerful.
“I know how you feel” is not presence.
“I’m here. Tell me.” is presence.
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What’s one thing someone said that helped you feel truly seen?
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